Tonight was like many other fortnightly nights. We have Matt’s kids and we go to family dinner. It’s been the same for a long long time. The main change tonight was that family dinner was at Adam and Leigh’s instead of at Greg and Juliann’s, and it was Aidan’s 20th Birthday.
As we sat around the big table at Adam and Leigh’s house tonight, listening to music (including Halsey’s cover of “Love Yourself” by Justin Beiber and “Fresh Eyes” – both songs that played at Sarah’s funeral) it felt… like healing.
Like we can finally begin this process we’ve all been waiting on for so long (over two and a half years!) and that while Sarah’s gone, she’s definitely not forgotten – and dare I say it, but I felt her spirit there tonight. In the laughter, in the music, in the jokes…
I guess it’s one thing to wait and wait and wait, and know that you can start that ‘moving forward’ process once you’ve gotten your closure. And there are so many different types of closure. The funeral was a big one, and this trial being over with is another one. The sentencing will no doubt be a third. But in our case, the trial being done, Paul being found guilty… it’s such a relief. And it’s taken days to start processing that we don’t have this hanging over our heads anymore, and that we can start to move forward. And for me, tonight felt like healing. I said as we were leaving to Greg “We needed this.” and he agreed. And we did. We needed something to kick start our healing process and that’s exactly what we did tonight, I think. There will be some sore heads in the morning I suspect, but I think the burden that we all carried in our hearts will be just a little bit lighter. It will -never- go away. But now, we can bear it just a little bit better, feel a bit stronger, and breathe just that little bit easier.