Hah, I’m terrible at this one a day stuff sometimes! I get so tired after work, and then I have raids, and then I’m like ‘let me relax a bit’ and next thing I know I’m in bed.
For those not in the know, Raiding is killing internet dragons with my crew Premature Heroism in World of Warcraft. Three nights a week (Mon, Wed, Thurs) from 6pm to 8pm we sit down and chat and focus on killing pixels for more pixels of loot and to make our characters look awesome. I’ll post some pics of my Shaman sometime. I love her.
But, I digress.
Today Matt and I took our nephew and niece to a birthday party! It was for the daughter of one of Sarah’s girls and I was really excited to go. Yeah, ok, a kid’s birthday party doesn’t sound that exciting but it was more than just a birthday party for me at least.
It was a bit of a balm to the soul.
You sit there in your every day life after a tragic event has happened and you fake the smiles and the pleasantries and inside you’re crumbling, or barely holding on for another day, or you’re wondering how the hell you’re going to make it through yet another person asking you how are you and you having to fake the “I’m ok” or worse yet, a fake ‘good’. Because you’re not.
But with the girls, today, it’s not fake. They understand when you just go ‘ehhh’ when you answer that question because THEY are feeling the same way. There’s no need to explain what’s going on, how come you’re not you’re normal self, or why you’re actually trying to fake it in front of others.
They get it, because they’re going through it too.
And honestly, hanging out with them helps so much. Before everything went crazy in December, we often times would see the girls in passing at parties for Sarah’s kids, and at other events in lives, so we all knew each other and had known each other in passing. Now, we’re all heaps closer – it’s funny how these sort of things bring folks closer together.
It physically hurt my heart to leave them today when we had to go early. Neither Matt nor I wanted to go and I think our goodbyes lasted about half an hour. It’s kinda funny, as both Matt and I are quite private and quite introverted at times (definite homebodies!) but today? We didn’t want to leave the girls.
It’s a balm to our hearts and souls to be around each other and it was never more apparent than today.
It’s been harder lately. I think that’s because most of the important things that have to be done have been done and now it’s all sinking in. I find myself mentally more drained on a daily basis when I come home from dealing with people than I was before, and falling more into my own pit of depression.
Between my blog and the counsellor I’m setting up, I’ll be ok.
I’m just glad that I’ve got such a big group of family and friends who understand that it’s ok to not be ok. Don’t get me wrong, everyone I talk to tells me this too, but it’s not quite the same. At least with the girls and the fam, we all can acknowledge and talk about it. Especially with the girls, as they want to talk about it, it’s apart of the healing process.
And healing is so very important for all of us right now.